So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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