I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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