i don't like sucking hair
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
