Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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