I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize