didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I smell like Dick and happiness
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
