I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
