I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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