My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
