Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
