8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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