I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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