I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
