My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
