Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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