You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
