Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
