this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He called his prostate his "boner button".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I party with great urgency now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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