I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
