If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
