Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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