Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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