dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Congratulations! We have a period
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
