fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
