We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
