Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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