I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
