So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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