I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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