So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
