can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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