He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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