the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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