I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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