The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
