I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I love you. Go after that dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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