You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
