Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
