Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
