About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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