I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
