new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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