and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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