I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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