allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
