Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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