My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
