Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
