I am puke
i think my tv is drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's the barista slut.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
