so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
