Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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