just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I want is dick and wine.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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