are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
