Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
