I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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