you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
