I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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