just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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