what day is it and did you see me today?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
