HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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