If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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