I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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