why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im six kinds of drunk right now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
