sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
