yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
