Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
