You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
