dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
