i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
