Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
