No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
