I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize