hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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