Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
