Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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