North Korea, Best Korea!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
