Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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