He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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