God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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