I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
