A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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