I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
